1. Mr. D. (Over All) - Uses guns, extremely effective with pistols, smgs, fast, durable.
  2. Jollae (Over All) - Cannot use guns, has a bite attack, special attack is a "cuteness" attack in which she stuns enemies, fast, durable
  3. Sparky (Over All) - Uses guns, extremely effective with shotguns, fast, but weak
  4. Ad Jasont (Over All)
  5. Min-E-Rectangle (Over All) - (100% on World 1) Has an extremely powerful ground stomp that can one-hit kill anything. Cannot use any items.
  6. Joel (Over All) - (100% on World 3) Can use frying pans to one-hit kill anything.
  7. Gangster (Over All) - (100% on World 5) Guns do 1.5x damage
  8. Erectosaurus Rex (Over All) - (100% on World 7) - Extremely durable, but cannot attack.
  9. Boofa Bill (Over All) - (100% on World 9) - Can use his hook hand to grapple. Cannot use any two-handed weapons (smgs, shotguns, etc.)
  10. Princess Amber (Over All) - (100% on World 11) - Initiates a musical attack in which all enemies on screen are killed.
  11. The Erect-a-Mech - (100% the game) - Mr. D. can ride it. Different keyboard buttons can be used to initialize all of the attacks used in the boss battle.
  12. Roger McDonald (Video Game Caper) - Spawns with a rocket launcher. It has a wider range than guns and fires once per second. 
  13. Abe Narwhal Ortiz (Downfall of Steam) - Spawns with Abe's signature weapon. It swings as fast as the player presses the attack button.
  14. Alex Mania (Abe Series ) (World 4 Level 4 - Math Lab Secret Completion) - Uses the mystical rope to kill things instantly.